Weddings are very joyous and special occasions. They are moments when two people are now going to begin a new chapter in their lives by publicly accepting one another as their spouse. A ceremony is held so that people can join in on their happiness. Tremendous time and wealth is exerted in making the ceremony a success and various activities are planned and scheduled ranging from a having a sensational entry of the bridegroom and a dulcet entry of the bride, providing multiple dishes of food and desert, having a cake cutting ceremony and a photo shoot and wrapping up with dancing to some heart pounding music. At the end of it all the guests leave, talking about what a good time they had and the hosts pat themselves on their backs for doing a great job to impress them.

In the midst of all this excitement the very being who made this relationship materialize, i.e. Allah, is ignored and forgotten and is often left very displeased with the entire situation. This displeasure is not due to people wanting to have a good time but rather due to them exceeding his boundaries when having their enjoyment. Extravagance, playing music, having no segregation between men and women, sisters wearing revealing attire and incorporating non Islamic customs in the celebrations are some of the many things that normally take place in these gatherings that yield Allah’s anger.

Keeping Allah pleased is imperative in life and this can only be achieved by following the life and example of his beloved Prophet, Muhammad (saw). The Prophet (saw) got married on several occasions during his life. By studying the accounts of his weddings we can develop a true understanding on what an Islamic wedding ceremony is really supposed to be like.

One of the noble women the Prophet (saw) married was Ummu Habibah, the daughter of Abu Sufyan (ra). When the Muslims were being persecuted in Makkah, she fled the city with her husband Ubaidullah bin Jahsh to Abysinia along with other Muslims. There, unfortunately her husband became an apostate and turned to Christianity and a short time later he expired leaving his wife a widow. Ummu Habibah relates,

As soon as my waiting period finished the Najjashi’s messenger was on my door seeking permission to come in. With him was his slave girl named Abraha who used to take care of his clothes and oil. She entered and said, “The king would like to convey to you this message: “Allah’s Messenger (saw) has written to me that I marry you off to him”. Ummu Habibah responded, “May Allah give you glad tidings of goodness”. Abraha continued, “the king has also instructed you to depute some one to marry you off”. Subsequently Ummu Habibah sent a message to Khalid Bin Saeed Bin As and authorized him as her representative and gave Abraha two silver bangles, the ankle bracelets that were on her feet, and the silver rings that were on her toes out of joy over the good news she conveyed to her.

When evening approached the Najjashi summoned Jafer bin Abi Talib and all the Muslims that were present in his land. They all came and the Najjashi delivered the following sermon: All praise is for Allah the sovereign, the Pure, the Perfect, the Securer, the Overseer, the Exalted in Might, the Compeller. I bear witness there is no God except Allah and Muhammad is his slave and messenger, the very one who Isa, son of Maryam gave glad tidings of. Allah’s messenger wrote to me that I marry off Ummu Habibah, daughter of Abu Sufyan to him. I have responded to his call and I give her a dower of 400 dinars (on his behalf). He then poured the gold coins in front of the people. There after Khalid bin Saeed bin As stood and spoke, “All praise is for Allah I praise him and seek his aid and help. I testify: There is no deity except Allah and Muhammad is his slave and messenger. Allah sent him with the guidance and the true religion in order that it manifests over all the religions, even if the poly theists dislike it. I have responded the call of the Messenger of Allah (saw) and I officially marry Ummu Habibah daughter of Abu Sufyan off to him. May Allah bless His messenger.”

The gold coins were then handed over to Khalid bin Saeed, which he took (on behalf of Ummu Habiba) and then everyone intended to leave. The king then exclaimed “Remain seated, for it is the practice of all the Prophets that when they would marry, food would be fed.” He then called for some food which they ate and then dispersed. (At-Tabaqatul Kubra vol 8 p 293)

Subhanallah, the simplicity of the Prophet’s wedding ceremony in this narration is remarkable. Today if we Muslims were to conduct our weddings in this manner, many of us would not have to unnecessarily incur a debt of approximately $25,000 just for the sake of some pomp and show. We would also be saved from displeasing Allah in any shape or form.

Even the Prophet (saw)’s walimah (banquet) used to be conducted in a very simple fashion. Anas (ra) narrates: The Prophet (saw) stayed for three nights between Khaibar and Madinah and had (just gotten) married to Safiyya (ra). I invited the Muslims to his walimah and there was neither meat nor bread in the banquet. All that happened was that the Prophet (saw) ordered Bilal to spread leather eating mats on the ground on which dates, dried yogurt and butter were served.” (Bukhari 4213)